Listen

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to talk. I can just go on and on and on on random tangents, fun facts, and all that good stuff. More than I love to talk, though I love to listen. I feel honored when someone wants to talk to me about their day or what they may be having trouble with. It tells me that (1) they trust me enough to confide in me and (2) they are confident that I'll be able to give them a resolution! That just sends my heart on a parade to the moon and back. You don't even know...

Being a good listener helps out in all kinds of relationships: Mother/daughter, boyfriend/girlfriend, best friends, etc. So let's talk about how we can do better. When you're in a good conversation try this out:

• Don't jump the gun: Sometimes when we're listening to people we tend to think about what we're going to say next, but this defeats the whole object of listening. And it's kind of selfish if you think about it. Your brain does this: "my blah blah blah, I blazay blazay"...mmkay he's talkin, what am I gonna say now... "mmmhmmm I remember when my blah blah". Yeah, that's not cool.
• Use more You's than Me's: I find that sometimes, in order to console a friend of mine, I'll start saying "I know just how you feel girl" and then proceed to tell a story about myself. I now realize that while that may be good in some situations (because it's nice to know that you aren't alone) it may not always be necessary. It turns the conversation about you when the main focus should be your friend. Make sure that if you're friend is talking, they are doing more of the venting. And if you have gone through the experience, speak less of the details that happened, and more of what you learned from it.
• Put yourself in their shoes: It's hard to feel for someone when you can't relate to them, but in order to really get into the conversation, try to imagine what the person is going through and how it would make you feel. Showing empathy can be really helpful for the person who is trying to unwind.
• Mhms and Uh-huh's make a difference: My friends are always on me about this because they swear that my mind is elsewhere when we are on the phone when all I am doing is staring at the ceiling! While a person is speaking, they usually want to know that they have your UNDIVIDED attention. Although they can visually see you locking eyes with them when you speak in person, it may be a whole different story when the two of you are on the phone. Drop the occasional "I feel you girl", or "Is that right?" so that you're friend knows that you're all ears.
• Speak life into the situation: While venting helps shake away alot of stress, it's a very simple way to dwell on some very negative thoughts. After he/she gets it all out, do your best to get your friend out of this mood. If it's about school, try to come up with a study plan together so that she won't find herself in the same position. If it's about a weight problem, then talk about how you guys can go to the gym together or have a healthy night out. Perhaps she doesn't want to say anything at all. Maybe that's when it's time to pop in a comedy film or just vibe to some good music. Do what it takes to promote a better  outcome.
• Always assume confidentiality: There's nothing worse than having your business out in the open. If someone comes to you with very intimate details of their life, then they trust you with their deepest concerns. Do not disclose what they told you to other people (no matter how close they may or may not be to the person) unless keeping that secret may threaten their life (suicidal thoughts, plans for robbery, etc.).

Yeah so let's all be better listeners and consequently better friends. I trust it will only be beneficial.