Daydreamer

So I like the titles of my blogs to be the title of some song, any song at all. It's funny because when I googled "songs about guys" the google auto-complete had some harsh stuff programmed into the system. It looked like this:

songs about guys being jerks

songs about guys that are jerks

songs about guys leading you on

songs about guys cheating

songs about guys lying

songs about guys who are players

songs about guys being confusing

Naturally, this was discouraging because I was searching for a song about good guys... and then it hit me. The song I wanted was "Daydreamer" by Adele. [It describes a gentleman, and I suppose you should hear it for yourself to see how the end goes.] ANYways, I notice that a lot of ladies who have been hurt/mistreated/led on/disappointed by guys tend to write unkind things about boys (I say boys ALOT because some guys just haven't stepped into their manhood). And while I understand where some of these ladies are coming from, I notice that this method of catharsis can have very negative effects on the guys in our generation.

Some ladies say things like "Some boys will never grow up", or "All guys are dogs and that's just the way it is". Sometimes ladies are very specific with their hate and say things like "I hate it when guys pick you up just to leave you hanging! That's what happened to me...". For one thing, I don't think anyone should disclose their most personal thoughts on Facebook (because if so then what the heck are best friends for?) But my more important point concerns what these kind of messages are doing to our guys. We use the collective terms "guys", "boys", "fellas", and even "niggas" referring to the entire male population as a whole. It plants a very ugly seed that says "Hey, this is how guys have been for centuries so I may as well live up to the expectations society has made for me." I beg to differ.

I personally feel that guys are meant to do so much. They are leaders who play the dominant role in society. Physically, they hold the upper hand (otherwise the NBA would be co-ed lol). Within marriage, they respectfully lead their wives spiritually and within the home they serve as the provider, the protector, and the prime example of God's love for his children.

LADIES, we should be encouraging the guys in our life to do right. Granted, some guys do not want to be good and may never change, but instead of insisting that all men are the same, we should celebrate their uniqueness and creativity. We should insist that they possess qualities of love, commitment, compassion, kindness, and gentleness. We shouldn't allow people to speak poorly of the dudes in our life, and we should always offer a helping hand. Plus, we should give guys a good reason to be righteous. "Boy, she's just so patient with me that I can't help wanting to give her the world..." You feel me?

At an Expresso at my church, one man named Paul Brown was describing how his (now lovely wife!) April sometimes forgets to lock the car doors, but he never expects her to do it or hangs it over her head. He said "If you always expect someone to do wrong, don't be surprised when that's exactly what they do." In that respect it is so important to give everyone the benefit of the doubt so that you can exercise your ability to forgive and they can strive to meet the new reputation you're letting them create for themselves.

On that note FELLAS, I just want to let you know that I have very high expectations for you. Regardless of who you have hurt in the past or what you have said or done, I know what you are capable of. Please do not be afraid to step into your manhood because it's a beautiful thing. God has a plan for you each and every day so call on him to help you out when you're tempted to step out on your girlfriend or even check out the girl who just walked by. If you have trouble treating women right or you simply don't know how, then get connected with some guys who display great examples of loving "like Christ loved the church". I know some amazing men who would be glad to help you! Just do what it takes and know that us ladies will be right there cheering you on:)

Peep This!

Great song by a musical legend featuring my favorite rapper. 

Yeah he's big-headed but he's a musical and lyrical genius. *Kanye Shrug*

My favorite rap session on the planet by my favorite artist on the planet. 

L. Boogie does it all! Rap, Sing, and Preach the Gospel!

Listen

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to talk. I can just go on and on and on on random tangents, fun facts, and all that good stuff. More than I love to talk, though I love to listen. I feel honored when someone wants to talk to me about their day or what they may be having trouble with. It tells me that (1) they trust me enough to confide in me and (2) they are confident that I'll be able to give them a resolution! That just sends my heart on a parade to the moon and back. You don't even know...

Being a good listener helps out in all kinds of relationships: Mother/daughter, boyfriend/girlfriend, best friends, etc. So let's talk about how we can do better. When you're in a good conversation try this out:

• Don't jump the gun: Sometimes when we're listening to people we tend to think about what we're going to say next, but this defeats the whole object of listening. And it's kind of selfish if you think about it. Your brain does this: "my blah blah blah, I blazay blazay"...mmkay he's talkin, what am I gonna say now... "mmmhmmm I remember when my blah blah". Yeah, that's not cool.
• Use more You's than Me's: I find that sometimes, in order to console a friend of mine, I'll start saying "I know just how you feel girl" and then proceed to tell a story about myself. I now realize that while that may be good in some situations (because it's nice to know that you aren't alone) it may not always be necessary. It turns the conversation about you when the main focus should be your friend. Make sure that if you're friend is talking, they are doing more of the venting. And if you have gone through the experience, speak less of the details that happened, and more of what you learned from it.
• Put yourself in their shoes: It's hard to feel for someone when you can't relate to them, but in order to really get into the conversation, try to imagine what the person is going through and how it would make you feel. Showing empathy can be really helpful for the person who is trying to unwind.
• Mhms and Uh-huh's make a difference: My friends are always on me about this because they swear that my mind is elsewhere when we are on the phone when all I am doing is staring at the ceiling! While a person is speaking, they usually want to know that they have your UNDIVIDED attention. Although they can visually see you locking eyes with them when you speak in person, it may be a whole different story when the two of you are on the phone. Drop the occasional "I feel you girl", or "Is that right?" so that you're friend knows that you're all ears.
• Speak life into the situation: While venting helps shake away alot of stress, it's a very simple way to dwell on some very negative thoughts. After he/she gets it all out, do your best to get your friend out of this mood. If it's about school, try to come up with a study plan together so that she won't find herself in the same position. If it's about a weight problem, then talk about how you guys can go to the gym together or have a healthy night out. Perhaps she doesn't want to say anything at all. Maybe that's when it's time to pop in a comedy film or just vibe to some good music. Do what it takes to promote a better  outcome.
• Always assume confidentiality: There's nothing worse than having your business out in the open. If someone comes to you with very intimate details of their life, then they trust you with their deepest concerns. Do not disclose what they told you to other people (no matter how close they may or may not be to the person) unless keeping that secret may threaten their life (suicidal thoughts, plans for robbery, etc.).

Yeah so let's all be better listeners and consequently better friends. I trust it will only be beneficial.

Treading Water

I realize that the inception of a blog probably won't be profound or perfectly written so I should keep it simple. I'd like to start off by writing where I stand today and what I hope to get out of typing up a lot of my inner thoughts.

In short, I feel "aight". I am generally content with how I look and act. I like the giant steps that my faith has taken to get where I am at. I am doing a decent job in school and preparing for future trips to Haiti. My relationships with my friends and family are good. (Mkay, it's okay to yawn, I'll break the monotony in a sec).

On the flipside, I often feel very far behind from the person who I truly want to be! I am a hard worker, but some days I stand in front of the mirror evaluating myself and feel like all of the potential I see in myself is just stored up in my hair somewhere afraid to come out:
-The pages of my bible could probably receive more love, and I wish I would just pray more often.
-I am doing okay in school, but I have yet to ace a single test this semester.
-My gut sticks out a teeny bit more as a constant reminder that I should probably hit up the gym.
-I want to make moves in Haiti, it's a team effort and I'll need some money. Consequently...
-I need a J-O-B!
-I dress kinda frumpy, and I'm 18. It's time for a change!
-I love hearing from my friends and family but I have a funny way of showing it: Sometimes I text/call back with lightning speed and other times I just don't.
-Love life: It's non-existent.
-The only thing that I am certain of is that God has given me a good heart. I'm quite thankful for that.

Living in this slump has become very redundant. It's as if I'm in the middle of the ocean, just treading water. I'm doing everything in my power to keep my nose above the water, and for what?! ...Just to stay afloat. The problem with this is that even though I'm still living [I mean I haven't drowned yet], I'm really not getting anywhere by doing this. However it does take great strength to tread water for a long time. Likewise, it takes a strong person to keep fighting to reach their full potential and ultimately their purpose.

So I do want to begin this blog by stating that I am a diamond in the rough. I am currently working on myself, crafting my talents and trying to not just get used to this life, or simply "take things day by day", but really live it out to the fullest. I know that I need help, advice, and courage to see my dreams fulfilled, but I AM going to make it with the help of my God, family, and friends. I'm using this blog as my canvas, and hopefully some readers can relate to the things I write.

I suppose this post is just a DISCLAIMER: The following content includes complex thoughts, ponderous topics, possible personal growth and the occasional SAT vocabulary word. Read at your own risk.